Friday afternoons are generally not the time to shop here. Even though they’ve gotten some rather stiff competion here (Trader Joe’s planted a couple of stores here in about ‘02 or so), as well as the once-mighty (but beautifully humble) Natural Way in Webster, Whole Food’s got the masses bumping in each other and generally getting into each others’ way.
The coffee is interesting, but as it’s a commidity that I know almost as well as I know the salt business, it’s all about 20-25% higher than market. But hey, cool ‘Earthen’ packages sells and flat makes marigins.
Anyway, as a long-time professional bachelor-shopper, I know how to hit the slot openings, move in at an instantly-created window of opportunity (a lady with a toddler in a cart moves backwards or forwards) and nail the particular item, tuck it in like a football, and zip onward to the next item that I need (not ‘want’, ‘need’).
That’s what I did today, and to get in and out this large store, arms encumbered, and into a checkout line (using my patented ’scan ‘n weave’ technique) with only two shoppers ahead of me, all in about 6:05, well, can only be described as executing exemplary shopping (man) skills. (Read: get in, grab what you need, pay for it, GET OUT). This is a race, this is competition, this is the quest for the thrill of victory.
My list:
>Fancy-schmancy shaving cream, which perhaps is the cheapest, but speed was the objective, not price comparison. Even I must shave periodically, and a bottle of this stuff (with a pump) will easily last me until August…today being March 9th). I got the almond scented variety.
>Sushi; anything with red fish in it wrapped in some unidentified red stuff encapsulated in rice–even I must eat fat occasionally. Surprisingly, the contract purveyers blow it out cheaply– $8 is mighty fine, and considerably cheaper than the contractor at Schucks charges. (perhaps Schnucks charges him more, but whatever).
>Valerian Root capsules (100 ct). Best weapon against ever acting like a jerk toward people or yelling (too loudly) at my oft-recalcitrant teenagers. Hell, I’ve given them a pill a time or two; the damn things work amazingly well. Turns vicious gangsters into semi-couch potatos in less than ten minutes. Take the edge off, baby.
>Strata Chicken Provolone. From prepared food counter, a mob-scene. I worked a thirty-something lady working to amble my way and wait on me, in front of a few (somewhat tentative) shoppers/lookers. Two of these will more than do tonight; a lady friend is to be my dinner guest a’ noche. She won’t know what the hell she’s biting into until the flavor bursts into her mouth. The unit price is ‘each’ not ‘per lb.’, and the extreme labor-intensive make the price of these golden-flat (very rich) cupcake looking thing WAY expensive. Nobody here has a shred of a choice about this, though–either your Greek grandma, providing she’s still around, makes/bakes them all day for you, or you travel to Los Angeles or the Syrian section of NJ, around the southwest side of Patterson. It’s pretty rough now, though, the East Mediterians have likely departed, and gas is just flat TOO HIGH out there for ‘comparison shopping’ to be cost effective. Try these things; split them between two children 12 or younger.
>Lentil Pilaf - a bit pricy, but same as above regarding price. Nobody else around her makes it. Cut soybeans in it, so everything coverts to protien and that’s always good for every man, women, and child, veggie or not (we’re not).
Total, including my 10c discount for returning (amazing I remembered, but it was in my trunk) one of their shopping bags: $63-ish. In 6:05 to hitting the ‘out door’.
If I had a wife, she’d shoot me.
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